It's hard to describe the sinking feeling that overwhelms my momma's heart, each time we go in that place. It represents so many things to me and lots of memories come flooding back all at once, when we walk through those doors. On one hand, the magnitude of what we have been told, scans we have seen, pain that has been endured by our little boy, waiting for answers, sheer exhaustion, questions that couldn't be answered, and the fragility of life come rushing back.... making me want to curl up in the fetal position and block it all out. On the other hand, I am thankful beyond words for how our lives have been forever changed for the better. I am honored to have met, cried with, been hugged by, and even prayed with some of the most amazing surgeons, oncologists, and nurses on the planet. I am grateful to be coming back for MRI's as opposed to the alternative of not having the opportunity to come back, like so many families who have lost the fight against cancer. I guess walking through those doors will never again be just that....walking through the doors. There will no doubt, always be the emotions on each end of the spectrum that accompany that experience. I can only hope and pray that God uses that to soften my heart to others and keep perspective on HIS control of ALL things.
Not quite awake from the anesthesia |