Blogging has been an outlet for me. A way to share what God is showing me. A place to vent and organize my messy thoughts. It's also very vulnerable. I have been in a long season of not wanting to expose that vulnerability. I can't tell you how many times I have sat down to write and then shut my feelings off because I just don't have the energy to "go there."
Today would have been Rod Cook's 47th birthday. This time of year is difficult for me. It's a cold season of just surviving and full of celebrations that should be joyful, but aren't (aside from my sweet Colby's birthday, which just happened 3 days ago).
Anyone who has lost someone close to them can probably agree...a time that should be celebrating another year of life of someone who is no longer here, carries a lot of emotion. There's sadness that the person is no longer here. There's resentment over what "should have been." A day that used to be filled with balloons, cake, cards, and gifts is now a quiet day on the calendar.
It seems to pass in slow motion, and it's as if you know there is something that SHOULD be happening, but it's not. It almost feels like a date on the calendar that your body knows should have something big going on, but it's as if you missed it, even though you are completely aware of it. The heart just knows, no matter how hard you may try to brush past it. There is also guilt over the fact that you are still here and they are not. It's another calendar year and another age that this person never reached.
And, while I imagine that there must be something special going on in Heaven on this day, I can't help but feel cheated that I am not there to be a part of it. As if I could somehow make that day better for him. As if he would even care in light of eternity and the much bigger celebration of being with His King!
So, in light of what should be a day celebrating another year of life for Rod Cook, we will hold our head high and focus on the years he was here. We will talk about him and hopefully laugh and smile, more than cry. We will remember the man he was and the incredible legacy he left in his short time on earth. We will celebrate his love, his loyalty, and his unbelievable gift of making everyone around him feel special.
Happy Birthday, Babe! I couldn't have been more proud to be your wife and the mother of your boys. We can't wait to see you again, but until that day I am clinging to this:
1 Thessalonians 5:17-18
Rejoice ALWAYS, pray CONTINUALLY, and give thanks in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
...even when the celebrations are hard!
