I am known for having a terrible memory. I truly forget details of even the important events that most people will never forget. In fact, I have been told for most of my life that I am a great person to tell your deepest, darkest secrets to, because I will probably forget what you told me within a few days!
However, the details of the days surrounding my marriage to Bunky, are crystal clear. I will never forget some of the precious moments shared between us. We decided to write each other letters and exchange them when we parted ways on the night before the wedding day. We also wrote another note to each other to read right before we took our vows on the day of. This "letter-writing" tradition continued on each of our anniversaries. They are truly treasures. I have them in a box, labeled with each year. They have only been read on the anniversary, then marked with the year and put away.
Many people who were close to Bunky know that he would fairly often talk about how he just knew he would die earlier in life. He even talked with me on many occasions about how he felt like he was probably going to die before me. I would always tell him to stop talking like that or that he was being crazy to say such things. Once he said to me, "You know, when I die, these letters will be really special to you...that is why I will always write them." I know...it is mind boggling to think about the reality of words which seemed so far-fetched in the moment, yet now are the truth.
So, it feels overwhelming to acknowledge that he was right about that...and I just can't bring myself to read them yet. He was right though. They will be more special to me than he could ever have imagined, when I finally am able to read them.
I'm not able to fully capture what it means to grasp with your heart, the finality of "till death do us part." Everyone who marries says those words, but I don't think anyone wants to imagine that they WILL happen. I didn't. At least not until way down the line when you have lived a lot of life and the end is somehow more expected. I envisioned that day would come, but not so soon. Not when there was so much more life to live together.
Death didn't just part us.
Death took away so many hopes and dreams still left to be. It crushed every plan I could've ever imagined to come. It not only stopped me in my tracks, but completely derailed me. Death took what I found comfort in knowing and threw it out the window. Death not only did this to my marriage, but to the children who were born out of it.
I will be honest. And I don't say this for any sympathy....today will be bitter. A day that was once celebrated with my other half, will be a memory instead of another milestone to embrace as a married couple.
And with that being said, I will do my best today to be grateful for the marriage we had. One that was definitely not perfect. One that could certainly have used more grace and forgiveness. But, one that was solid...for better or worse. One that was built on a foundation of Christ, where trust and loyalty were never questioned.
I hope that those who read this and are married will squeeze their spouse a little tighter, kiss them a little longer, tell them how much you love them (even when you don't think they deserve to hear it), serve them in a special way, pray for them, encourage them, write them a love note, take a picture together, laugh a little longer, and STOP what you are doing that seems so important...to make them a priority, when you have that opportunity. You very well may not get that opportunity again.
If you want to take it a step further, I would love to hear about it. It encourages me to know that people are loving their spouses well and living like today could be their last. So, if you are reading this and it touches you in some way to be moved into action, please don't hesitate to share it with me. It really does mean the world.
Happy 17th Anniversary, Babe!
Forever loved and always missed.
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