"Tides" of Excitement and Sorrow "Roll" in Tuscaloosa

Last weekend Carson, Colby, and I went to Tuscaloosa to cheer on the Alabama Crimson Tide! They were so excited to watch a game and live the experience they have heard about over and over from their daddy. Bittersweet, seems like an understatement, but is probably the only word I can come
up with.

I wasn't prepared for the emotional wreck it caused within me personally. I knew it would be fun to watch the excitement on their faces, as it was. I just wasn't prepared for how it ripped me apart at the same time. Bunky should have been there to experience this with them. I smile just imagining the proud look on his face. For him to see his boys' expressions as we walked through campus before the game, would have been priceless. He would be beaming and so excited to tell them at least a thousand facts about everything they saw.

Thankfully, one of Bunky's dearest, long time friends, Dan, and his family went with us. Dan was struggling himself, and not a word was needed between us. We both knew the sadness and longing we felt for Bunky to be the one there, doing this with his boys. There were several times Dan and I would just look at each other, acknowledging the tears that filled our eyes...knowing the unspoken thoughts. It was hard. It was fun. It was a million emotions wrapped into one. I suppose that is what any number of things will feel like.

Tuscaloosa holds a special place in my heart. Not only is it where I met the love of my life, but it was our first place to call home as a married couple. It was the place where Bunky lured me in to all things BAMA. It is where we first found out we were pregnant, and also where we experienced the great loss of our first pregnancy. It is where we discovered we were pregnant again...with our first son. Tuscaloosa is where he tirelessly pursued a career in pharmaceuticals. It is where he would be offered his first job in that industry, by the same man who would become a dear friend and speak at his funeral 14 years later. So many memories were made in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. I wasn't quite prepared for them to all come rushing back (like a tide), the moment we drove into the city. They did. It hurt. Yet, there was some redemption in seeing the pride and excitement on the boys' faces. So, I still say "Roll Tide," yet there is something different about it now. There is no doubt, I am grateful for that experience for Carson and Colby, in spite of my sadness.