9 months…God is enough!

God is enough. I have to remind myself of that so often. Nine months ago, I cried a river that flowed from my face to his, as I kissed his face for the last time and watched him take his last breath. I remember so many details of that day, that looking back seems incomprehensible now. It was truly as if I was outside my own body, watching myself walk down a cold hallway that seemed to go forever. Watching myself dressed in a sterile yellow suit from head to toe. Watching as I waited outside the door to be allowed inside the room where his organ donation would take place, as soon as he took his last breath.  Watching as 4 teams of surgeons stood reverently to the sides, in the shadows, to give me those last few sacred moments with him. Watching as the machines that were keeping him alive were turned off and he seemed to slowly, yet somehow also quickly, slip away peacefully from this earth to his eternal home. Watching as I was taken back out of the room, and had to be held up on 3 sides to walk back down that long hallway without falling to the floor. It still doesn't seem real that it all happened and that the person I watched was me.

I have recently told a few friends and my counselor that I feel like I am experiencing some of the "typical" intense emotions that come with grief in the beginning, more often in the recent weeks. I'm like a pot that has been boiling and bubbling and spewing under the surface of the lid…occasionally steam and bursts of boiling water are forced out here and there. For the most part, I have kept it all at a simmering boil under the protection of the lid. Well, the lid may just be about to blow off. And quite honestly, I am fearful of what it will look like without the tempering of the lid.  I guess what I am trying to say is….there may be a mess coming. I am okay with that…and do you know why? Because grief is messy and unpredictable. Life is messy and unpredictable. We live in a fallen, sinful world. I also know I will be okay, because God IS enough!! He always has been and always will be. I count on it. I have faith in it. I am hopeful because of it.

2 Corinthians 4: 17-18
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary (Praise God!), but what is unseen is eternal."

My sister sent this song to me. God brought me to her mind when she was listening to it (Love when He does that and people let me know). I can't believe 9 months has passed. I have felt slain. I have felt pain unimaginable. Even still…I will praise the ONE who is enough. There will be messy days to come and though I may resist truth in those moments, my heart belongs to Jesus…this is all just temporary! I encourage you to take a minute to listen to this song and the clip from John Piper, which is in the song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyUPz6_TciY&sns=em