Carson's Birthday

Today was my biggest boy, Carson's 11th birthday. Where has the time gone? By this time next year, I feel certain that he will be taller than me. It seems like just yesterday Bunky and I were anticipating his arrival. We could hardly wait. Then, the day came and our 8lb 6oz baby boy was born. Our world as we knew it would never be the same again. Carson made us parents and stretched our world as "couple" to one of "family." With him came a joy that we could have never imagined and a responsibility that stirred up unchartered fear, that naturally comes with being a parent. I was especially thankful for a healthy baby after having a miscarriage previously. I remember thinking to myself, "Just be thankful" when he screamed for hours every day with horrible colic, for over 3 months! Nonetheless, he was a beautiful blessing and continues to make me so proud.

It's hard to celebrate your child's birthday without dad there. It just feels all wrong. I just keep thinking about how the years are going to keep coming and going. Each birthday will represent another year without their dad. Carson said he really had a good day. I tried to make it a special day for him, but I am aware of my great sadness that lies just under the surface of the smile, I try desperately to display. I told him over and over how proud of him I am and how much I love him and that I am thankful that he was born. I just wish his dad were here to say those very things to him as well. Somehow, it doesn't feel like enough coming from just me. I'm thankful for those who took the time to call, text, send Facebook messages, or just tell him "happy birthday." He felt loved and special. I guess it will just never be the same and that will have to be okay. My boys are one of the greatest gifts God has given me through their dad. I will always be thankful for their lives. I will always cherish another year with each of them. 

Turning "11" with his brothers, being goofy this morning

Carson and his friend, Andrew Whetstone at Buffalo Wild Wings with a HUGE chocolate fudge cake they brought out for him!