11 months

I honestly don't have that many words tonight. My heart is heavy, yet peaceful. I am blessed beyond measure to have the support I do. There are three things that I have consistently said throughout the past 11 months. The three things that have kept me going, and I couldn't imagine getting through this without them:

1.) Faith in Christ. He is who He says He is. My hope rests in Him.

2.) My three boys. I continue to be in awe of them and what amazing kids they are. They inspire me to be a better mom. They inspire me to make life count.

3.) My support system. Family and friends (those I know extremely well and those I have never actually met or seen), who continue to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

It still feels completely surreal most days. I still feel like I should wake up and this all be a horrible nightmare. I don't know when I will shake those feelings. Everything will always be different for us…that is still hard to accept, but I am trying.

Tonight I was reading a devotional on Mark 4:35….when the disciples were in the boat with Jesus and suddenly a strong storm came. They were shaken to the core with fear and couldn't understand why Jesus didn't immediately come. Instead He slept. Slept. Really! They questioned his care and concern for them in this moment.

The point that I grasped was that Christ may delay coming and rushing in to calm our storms. It's intentional. But, sometimes, I just want to scream, "Enough Already!" However, I know that my faith has been strengthened and He is riding the storms with me. I don't have to fear and I don't have to question. This girl's boat has been rocked. There is no doubt about it. Stormy days are yet to come, I am sure of it. Yet, I will continue to do my best to rest in the assurance that he will not let the storm take me out.

Missing him more than any words can describe!