Sunday, August 24, 2014

Why God is Not My BFF

I love the new personalized coke cans! This one caught my attention at the grocery store today, after I had written this post last night. Crazy how those things happen in perfect timing. God continues to nudge, when I feel hesitant to put things out there I guess. The lady in front of me thought I was a little crazy for wanting to take a picture of the carton of Diet Coke with her groceries.

I have to say that growing up, I was the typical girl who wanted to "claim" others as my "BFF," and in turn, wanted to be the recipient of that title. Every girl needs someone to call her "Best Friend Forever" right? That designation holds some kind of merit that makes you feel like you belong. Like you are cared about. Like you have that special friend who will always have your back. Like you are not alone. What is interesting is that best friends do fail you and you will fail them. In fact, "forever" is a long time and it is rare to even have one "BFF" for many, many years.

From a young age, that position seemed so important. One year I might have several "BFF's" and the very next, it would all be different, depending on who was in my life at that time. I will say that I have been blessed with some amazing friendships over the years and have tried to be a good friend in return. I think girls especially, go through elementary, middle school, and high school years placing such a high value on having at least one BFF in their life at all times.

After I got married, Bunky became that "Best friend" that trumped any friendship I had ever known. He was my first priority and our commitment to each other was at the forefront. More important than any other friendship I had. That is how God intended it and my friendship with my husband was deeper and more meaningful than any friendship I had ever known.

At the same time, I believe we all still need our girlfriends, even after we get married. Girlfriends just suddenly hold a different place in our lives, or at least I think they should. They are a lifeline. Girlfriends are a vital part of being the women God called us to be. Girlfriends know like no one else what it is like to be the "rock star" wife, even when we don't feel like it. Our mommy girlfriends can relate to the sheer exhaustion that comes from being up all night with a baby or sick child. Girlfriends understand the joys and emotions, the highest of highs, along with the heartbreak, isolation, fears, insecurities and low points that creep in to our minds as women. There are some components of who we are as women, that husbands and men in general, don't get and never will. It's okay. That is how God wired and designed them. It is also why God gave us girlfriends in our lives.

As the last 13 months have gone by, I have realized even more how much I treasure those girlfriends that God has allowed my path to cross with. Whether a friend from early in life or one who I may have just met…I have been encouraged and loved by many, many friends (not just girlfriends, but men and women alike, and some who were my husband's friends that I didn't really know).

I have appreciated the sorority sister I haven't seen in years, reaching out. I have been touched by the card from a friend from elementary school. I have felt moved by those friends, who continue to do special things for me and my boys. I have been blessed with amazing women who do real life with me and have for years. I cherish the friends who don't forget that the world has moved on, but are keenly aware my heart is still trying to navigate how to do this world without my BFF. Even with some of these tender places being cared for through the gifts of these friendships, there remains a great empty spot without my husband and his daily friendship.

To be quite honest, I have been wrestling with God. Struggling to believe His plan is perfect. Struggling to have faith in His provisions for me. I have been in a constant dialog with Him about how He could allow our world to be shaken like this. I know He is big enough to handle all I throw at Him, and I know that this is part of how I need to process the tragic loss that has happened. I sometimes plead with Him to show me why He took my best friend away. Throughout those times, if I am quiet and still long enough to listen, I can almost hear Him whispering…"I HAVE NOT LEFT YOU, Missy. I will be all that you need, if you will just let me." To that I find myself responding…


And you know what I have realized more and more? He is NOT. He is not my BFF. Do you know why? Because "Best" is relative. "Best" is fallible. "Best" may still not be good enough. In this fallen world we live in, "Best" just doesn't cut it every time.

Christ is more than a "BFF"…He is Truth. Everything about Him is true. Everything He says is true. Even when I cannot see it, feel it, think it, smell it, hear it, or touch it. He is TRUE to His promises…the same ones I am questioning and struggling with.

The definition of true is:  having all the expected or necessary qualities of a specified type of person or thing. 

God IS all that He says He is. That is truth. And that is enough. So, God is not my "BFF", but He is my "TFF"- a True Friend Forever. I will take it. And I know in time, it WILL feel like enough, because  while He won't change, my heart will.