Our Anniversary- August 1, 1998

Tomorrow marks what would have been mine and Bunky's 16th wedding anniversary. Tears stream down my face as I think of how many more anniversaries I planned on spending with him. At the same time, joy fills my heart, as I remember and cherish the years I had with him. 

We decided before we got married that we would write a letter to each other and exchange them the night before our wedding day. We knew we didn't want to see each other until I walked down the aisle that day, so we just decided that a letter might be something nice to have to read in those last hours before we said "I do." You know... just to calm the nerves a little bit. 

Those "love letters" turned into an anniversary tradition, and each year we wrote each other one and exchanged them on our anniversary. They are still in a shoe box, labeled for each year and I can't bring myself to read back through them just yet. 

In those first years of marriage he worked in a cubicle at State Farm and commuted an hour to work every day, while I continued graduate school. So you guessed it…it was the ONLY "gift" we gave each other on our big day! We didn't have a lot of money. I had no idea then, that those "gifts" we gave each other, had far more value than anything we could have given each other materially. It is such a priceless treasure to have, especially now. Especially in this situation. I guarantee I wouldn't remember anything material we gave each other each year. I will ALWAYS have these gifts though, and I love that! In fact, I would highly encourage you to talk to your spouse about incorporating something like this into your anniversary if you don't already. You will not be sorry!

I wrote in my journal last year on this day and read it tonight. We were supposed to be in Cancun for our 15th Anniversary…instead, I was just shy of a month out from saying my final goodbye. I stated in my journal that I wanted to write one final letter to Bunky, and I still plan to do that. 

I was thinking today how it's easy to glorify a marriage and make it all seem like a fairytale with no bumps, especially when your spouse is gone. That is certainly not what I want to do and would not honor the spirit of transparency I wish to have, nor the honesty that was such a part of Bunky's character. In fact, I would go so far as to say, it's those "bumps," flaws, and mistakes made that can result in a truly happy and fulfilling marriage. It's how you come through those circumstances that build a lasting marriage and respect for one another. While Bunky was absolutely an amazing person, he was imperfect. He was a sinner, just like all of us. He made mistakes, just like all of us. He wasn't always the best husband or father. He didn't always make great choices. Neither did I. Neither do I. 

We had rough times just like every couple does. Our marriage was tried and tested when Cooper was diagnosed with cancer. (Statistics prove that high divorce rates are the norm for married couples with a child diagnosed with cancer, and I can believe it). It is stressful. We fought hard for what we had and never gave up on each other…sometimes it looked ugly and hopeless. There were dark days when he was laid off from a company he had been with for 10+years, due to cutbacks within the company. We went through some low times, but we went through them together and we made a promise to each other that we would not let anyone or anything destroy us or what God intended. 

I feel like in some ways, we were just really starting to reap the benefits of sticking through the "hard" together. Those difficult circumstances only brought us closer to each other and most importantly, closer to God. I think once you make it through the valleys of life (whatever those may be), you are going to naturally share a closeness that wouldn't be otherwise. We had settled into that more and more over the last few years. Things just didn't feel as hard anymore. And when they did…we just knew how to deal with them in a better way. Together.

So, tonight, my words for Bunky are:

Thank you. Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for loving me without conditions. Thank you for your die hard, relentlessness to be heard and convince anyone around you that you were worth listening to. Thank you for pursuing me and making me feel beautiful. Thank you for being an example to our kids of what being a man of your word looks like. Most importantly, thank you for modeling for them how to love Christ. Thank you for working so hard to provide for us at all costs. Thank you for balancing me in so many ways, so perfectly! Only God could have orchestrated how well we complimented each other's personality. Thank you for believing in and pushing me to always do my best. Thank you for caring more about us and what was important for our family, than what anyone else might have to say or think. Thank you for your love of sunsets, golf, and all things Alabama football. Thank you for your steadfastness and resolve to stand up for what you believed in, even if it wasn't "popular." Thank you for protecting our family time. Thank you for being quick to forgive and quick to ask for forgiveness. Thank you for how you motivated and took time to really get to know those people who were important in your life. Those same people are now who make sure we are okay. Thank you for living fully in the moment, for not taking the little things for granted, and for living so much life in only 42 years. Thank you for making everything, even the mundane, much more FUN. Thank you for having a relationship with Christ, so that there is HOPE and we will see you again. Thank you for so many memories, Bunky! I will always, always love and adore you.

1 Thessalonians 4:13
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.