When someone who has been an integral part of your world is gone (whether through death or disconnect), holidays somehow shine a spotlight on that loss. I have felt that loss over the years, whether it was grandparents, my aunt, a friend, or my mom. Now, that loss includes my spouse and father of my children. I never like to compare grief or loss, because every situation is so unique...but I know for me, as one who has experienced some pretty significant loss, Christmas without my spouse has, by far, been the most difficult.
So, today was hard. I won't sugar-coat it. But, it also held some true glimmers of joy. I found myself able to smile a little more, cry a little less, and just be in the moment with my boys. I am thankful for that gift. I know part of it is time, which heals. I also know that it is because I have an army of people praying, reaching out, and simply caring for us. My phone blew up with texts and I don't know if I even responded to them all...but people were thinking of us and praying...and I FELT IT!
My neighbor bought gifts from each of my boys and had them come over to wrap them and put them under the tree for me. My dearest ladies group that has been together for years got together and gave a bag full of gift cards, lotion, candles, candy, socks, and more to my oldest to put in a stocking for me. I texted with a couple of fellow sisters who were spending this day, feeling the weight of their loss, as well. There is something in knowing you are not the only one on this journey and being able to connect with those people during hard times. All of these things were continuing to remind me...I am one blessed girl.
Warning...here is my "practical application" part if you know a friend walking these shoes:
I can just say that if you know someone who is parenting children after losing a spouse, one of the most thoughtful things you can do for them is help their children get them a small gift or just do a little something for them yourself. I'm not really a "gifts" person. I would take a hand-written note or card that someone took the time to think about any day....but, at Christmas, when you have done all the thinking, planning, wrapping and giving of gifts for your kids and everyone else, it is truly comforting to know someone thought to do something (even just small) for you. Without your spouse, younger children are not likely to even think about it, and not having a single gift or something in the stocking (that you didn't purchase for yourself), is just another reminder of the loss that is so real, as your spouse is the one that would have made that happen for you.
Christmas Eve Service
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| Birthday Party for Jesus |
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| Boys with their Papa |
This was a big year for us. I took the plunge after 2 years of constant begging, and decided to get the boys a puppy. We pick him up next week and their reaction was so priceless. They were really in shock and it was SO much fun. It was truly the highlight of my day. Bama, the Cockapoo (Cocker spaniel/ poodle mix) will be loved, and probably therapeutic in some ways!
And, yes...I know I am crazy...but is he not the CUTEST?!
Merry Christmas!
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