Significantly Insignificant

Have you ever just been so busy going through the motions that even if something of importance happened, you might not even notice? I think I have spent much of my life this way. I love the song by Matthew West about "Going through the motions", which says, "just okay is not enough,

Help me fight through the nothingness of life." Of course he is singing in the context of spiritual significance, but it really applies to just life in general. Total side note…I have the privilege of going to the same church with Matthew West. His wife is in a mom's group I do and he recently came and shared stories and songs with us. Yes…I did snap a picture! Sorry for the digression. 

I realized this weekend how so many little, seemingly insignificant things, are in fact, significant. What's interesting is that we don't really see their significance until after the fact, when something highlights or makes them suddenly significant. Oh, to be able to have the forethought of knowing when moments, which seem insignificant at the time, will one day be significant. 

For me, losing Bunky, has caused many of these simply, ordinary moments to come rushing back. I have had to stop beating myself up over the the "if only" I had done this or said that, as it really only tears me down. Instead, I have had to start appreciating the ordinary for what it was in that moment. Knowing that anyone would do things at least somewhat different if they knew it might be their last with someone. If they knew that the simple, insignificant moment would one day be a memory marked with significance. What I will always try to do now, is make simple moments hold more value to me. I will see the significance in the insignificant. Whether that's a long hug, a conversation, or lunch with a friend. I realize more than ever, you may never get that moment again. 

This past weekend Carson played ball at the exact field, which would be his dad's last field to ever coach on. I remember that hot summer Saturday and the two games played in the all-star tournament that day out at West Nashville. There was a huge tree in a field behind the baseball field that Cooper and Colby played in with the other siblings that were there. The Barons team also used that huge tree to relieve themselves between games because there was no bathroom nearby. It was hot. It was dusty. I had given Coach Rod a hair cut that morning before the games, because he was complaining of how hot he got with his hair longer. I remember coming home after a long day and just enjoying sitting and talking before bed. That would be the last time he spoke to me. The last conversation we would ever have.

Driving up to that field this weekend for Carson's games took me back there. The emotions flooded in fast and hard and I had to stay in the car for a while to get myself together before heading to the bleachers. I kept looking at the dirt and the big tree and the field. I thought how insignificant those things were almost 10 months ago, yet how they represented such significance now. I had to smile too, thinking how he would have planned it just like that if he knew it was his last day to be active on this earth….coaching baseball in the hot sun! 

It is also a reminder to me of the eternal significance of moments with others. How many seemingly insignificant moments do we encounter others who may not know the love of Christ? Those moments may be the most valued, important, significant moments they ever experience to learn about a God who loves them enough to send His own Son to die for them. You may be a part of that moment. I may be a part of that moment. If fact, I think I can say with certainty there are probably many moments like that which I just shrug off as nothing, when I am "going through the motions" of my day. Our words matter. What we do for others matters. It might not be a "big deal" moment…but then again, it might. And you might not know what a big deal it was, until something makes you realize it's significance days, weeks, or even years later.