The Last "First"

We survived. Not only did we survive the last of the "Firsts," before the 1 year anniversary of his death, but I would even venture to say we thrived. Was it hard? Absolutely. But I can honestly say I felt so covered in prayer on this day.

Father's Day will forever be a difficult day for these boys. It will break my heart every year, I have no doubt. It will never be the same for them. However, as I shared with them from my own story of losing my mom, the day will hopefully come when the sting is not so painful and the hole does not feel so gaping. It may be, as it was for me, once I had my own children. I don't know the answer to that and it may be different for each of them. But they now know that they CAN get through it, and they can do as we did…choose to focus on what we had in their daddy, rather than on the loss.

We decided that morning to find somewhere to go on a hiking adventure! So, we decided on Edwin Warner Park in Nashville, which is only about a 25 minute drive. It was really beautiful and we ended up spending almost 4 hours out on the trails. The time truly went by fast. We covered a lot of ground, but we also played a lot along the way. Boys are drawn to water and there was a perfect stream and pond to play in on our trek. We probably spent an hour there alone.

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We really enjoyed just unplugging from everything and everyone for a few hours. Along the way we had some great discussions about the kind of man their dad was and the things that were most important to him. We laughed as we talked about some of the funny things their dad said and did. I will admit I had tears falling as I walked behind them on the trail and longed deeply for him to be there walking with us.  I was even asked by one lady (not in front of the boys, thankfully), "you must be giving dad a break today, huh?" I just nodded and couldn't bring myself to say anything else.

Cooper

Colby

Carson

The night before, we talked about how the boys wanted their Father's Day to look or what special things we could do to celebrate what an amazing earthly father they were blessed with. They decided they each wanted to make a rock for their dad and leave them at his gravesite. This was actually Cooper's idea! The other 2 thought it was perfect. So, I brought the rocks and my sharpie with us in the backpack and they decided to find a special spot to sit and write on their rocks, while hiking.

After we left our hike, we went to the cemetery and the boys left their rocks. There are no words to describe how heart wrenching it is to watch your children sit and stare silently, tears falling, at their daddy's grave. We didn't stay long, but it was something they all said they wanted to do and were glad they did it. When I asked them how they felt about the day…they all said (in one way or another) "Better than I thought it would be."

And I felt the same. 

Thankful for prayers. They do make a difference. God heard and the day was in fact, better than I thought!

Then, it was off for Master Blasts at Sonic, followed by mom's grilled hamburgers! Yes…I can grill…I learned from the grill master himself…their daddy!