Christmas 2013

It is often said, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." I do not like this statement, nor do I agree with it. In God's own word, He says that His grace is sufficient for us, and His power is made perfect in our WEAKNESS (2 Corinthians 12:9). I believe that God does, in fact, give us more than we can handle. He doesn't want US to "handle" anything. Through His grace and power, He gives us the strength to persevere when our circumstances are unbearable. When faced with life situations that are really just too much, Christ draws us to Him to seek the strength to "handle" what is otherwise humanly impossible.

This Christmas has honestly been too much for me to "handle." The day came and went. What felt humanly unbearable for me, was survived. I literally existed through the day. Only a couple of days later, it really feels like a blur. Did I enjoy moments? Somewhat. Were there moments of happiness and the wonder that is experienced around children on Christmas day? Yes. However, I fought to keep my thoughts from drifting to the longing my heart felt to have Bunky here with me. Everything was a constant reminder to me of what was missing.

Cousins on Christmas morning- Ethan, Alea, Emma, Carson, Caylee, Colby, and Cooper

My boys with most of their cousins at Playtime Pizza

Me and my sister, Heather

Foosball tournaments at night with the family!

I was glad to be in Arkansas with family, yet, was ever so aware of the reason WHY I was actually there for Christmas and not at home. The boys enjoyed spending time with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was a great distraction for them. Just what they needed. I was glad to see my family, but continually fought to stay in the moment of who was around me, rather than be bitter about who wasn't. I found joy sprinkled in with the loneliness I felt. God, no doubt, used my family to help me get through this holiday…to help me "handle" my reality. I am thankful for His grace. Without experiencing the deep valley that I am in, I would never experience the full measure of what He offers to sustain me. That really is a blessing, and I am choosing to believe that. Most of all, this Christmas brought an even greater awareness of the HOPE that started with a baby in a manger. Because God sent His only son to this earth as a baby to later die on a cross for me…I know the end result. This is not it. I rejoice that this is not my home and that one day I will be doing just what Bunky did this Christmas…celebrate Jesus' birthday with Jesus himself. What a party that will be!

Papa (my daddy) with Carson, Colby, and Paxton (cousin) at "Playtime Pizza" in Little Rock.

Cooper playing with his cousin, Emma

Uncle Craig, Nonny, Papa, Aunt Lauren and Ethan. Caylee and Abby Grace in front.

My prayer for 2014, and for every day, is that I will not ever attempt to "handle" anything on my own. Rather, that I would rest in His great love and provision for whatever each new day brings.